An Open Letter to the Girl Who's Lost Herself
If you’ve been through something hard, Satan would love for you to be quiet about it... to not share... to not help anyone else... to make you and others feel alone in the dark places.
But Jesus, He wants you to tell your story... not so the people that played a role look bad, but to reflect His goodness... to point others to Him... to remove fear & loneliness... and to shine a light into the dark places.
So, here we go.
An open letter to the girl who's lost herself (& gave her heart to the guy that didn't deserve it) —
I've been you. I've given my heart away to someone who didn't deserve it. Once in a way that put a ring on my finger (my late Memaw’s nearly 60-year-old original engagement ring). I lost myself within it all, too.
You might have given your heart away to the wrong person, too, or maybe in the beginning they might not have seemed like the wrong person, but with time + freewill, they became the opposite of what you fell in love with - someone that claims to love you but manipulates you, lies to you, takes advantage of you, and more...
Maybe your heart is still in the hands of that someone and you feel like it's in vice grips while you continue to shove the gut feeling away because leaving the familiar doesn’t sound like a better option. (If so, be brave. It will hurt, but that will fade... and rediscovering yourself afterwards is totally worth it.)
Maybe you have left and the sting keeps resonating as you attempt to put one foot in front of the other as you walk the road to rediscovering yourself while grieving someone that's still alive. You will grieve. Don't feel silly for that. Allow yourself to feel it so it can heal and not just be a scabbed wound that you carry for years to come. As you feel and deal, the sting lessens; keep taking one step at a time. With each passing step, moment, day, week, and month, you'll start to get your true self back - the self that was full of life when you started to fall in love... the self that smiled, laughed, and had a heart full of peace. This resurfacing expedites your healing.
You will heal. Your Heavenly Father sees you. He, too, aches that you have been mistreated, manipulated, lied to and more. He will restore every last broken piece if you'll let Him. And your friends and family will start to notice your light resurfacing - believe me.
Whether you are walking those steps or are fighting being obedient to the feeling in your gut (I get it), you are strong enough. Being brave isn't only when you choose to stay and 'work it out.' (I'm not talking about marriage here.) Being brave enough to change your life because you know there’s better is more brave than settling. Be brave enough to choose temporary heartache rather than marrying the wrong person.
I made the hard decision. Not because I fell out of love and easily walked away... I did it because the Lord stayed after me and loved me enough to ask me to do the heartbreaking thing. (This is what your gut feeling really is.) I was already to the point of ringing the Lord's heart out for an answer. My flesh was wrestling with what my spirit knew was coming. Now that I can see more clearly, I am thankful for His provision. We weren't supposed to be the couple we kept trying to force ourselves to be. I was never going to be the fixer I desired to be. That's just it - lady, if it's forced, it's wrong.
Soon after, peace started to accompany the heartache, as if to remind me, “You made the right choice.” And since then, peace has continued to be the successor. You don’t notice the slow fade as your peace starts to slip away, along with pieces of you. Continue to choose the peace until it’s the natural theme song to your new life - a life where you are important. A life that doesn’t come at the cost of your true self. A life full of joy. A life where the only eggshells are in your trash, not under your feet.
The right man will compliment your life, your dreams, and your true personality, rather than cause you to be secretly dry and tired while holding on to every ounce of the 'good times.' He won't silently ask you to be the provider or spiritual leader. Your friends won't watch you become someone you're not.
So whichever point you're at, choose bravery and obedience. If you've already done so, keeping putting one foot in front of the other. You'll look back - it's what we do - but don't take your steps that direction. Look and learn, then walk. See yourself as worthy because you are. You'll trust again. You'll love again.
I don't have it all figured out, and I'm far from perfect, but I know I've learned something from each season life has offered - joyful or sad. I have made mistakes, and you have too, but rather than feeling silly for them, let's use them. Someone needs to hear your story. Shine the light back on the One who deserves it.
Learning life with you,